Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
just as in Christ
God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32*

If I had to pick a verse that was foundational to our family, this would be it. Our four kids learned this verse backward and forward. I even made up a melody so we could sing it. Even though they all have grown up and have children of their own, I’d be willing to bet the farm that each one could recite this verse still today. Here’s why:

When our kids were little and there was a tussle brewing between two of them, I would have them stand on opposite ends of the living room and make both of them recite a version of Ephesians 4:32 while looking at each other. 

“We will be kind and compassionate to each other,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave us.”

There was usually some rolling of the eyes and resistance, but I held firm. After the verse was quoted, I instructed them to take one large step toward each other and say it again. This would be repeated until the two squabblers were nose to nose. Then I would direct them to end in a hug. It is very hard for two children to stand nose to nose without breaking into giggles. I knew it was an effective method when I overheard one say, “We’d better quit arguing or mom will make us do that thing.”

Kindness has to be taught.
Compassion needs to be nurtured.
Forgiveness must be practiced.

And I’m not just talking about children.
Believe you me,
there are some adults I’d like to invite into my living room
for the very same treatment.

Father God, I know from experience how much it hurts a parent’s heart to see her children being unkind to each other. I’m sorry for grieving Your heart in the same way. Sometimes I need help being nice. Help me to grow up and stop being childish. Teach me to be quick to forgive and slow to judge. Remind me again of what it cost Your Son to purchase my forgiveness and give me strength to live in light of that truth. Help us, Your children, to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other.

*Part twelve in a series on “The One Anothers”

Bear one another’s burdens,
and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2*

We’re all carrying heavy loads.
God does not intend for us to bear them alone.
We’re supposed to help each other carry them.

But this can go wrong in several ways.

1. Sometimes we do the opposite.
Instead of coming alongside and lightening the load of a brother or sister, we pile on more weight. We view their difficulty as a result of their sin and cast blame. We judge their hearts without stopping to try to understand their situation. We tell them they just need to give their burdens to Jesus, getting us off the hook from entering into their messiness.

2. Sometimes we don’t know.
We get pretty good at carrying our burdens — so good, in fact, that nobody is aware of the weight we’re under. We don’t want to “bother” people with our issues. We are private about the things that weigh us down, and besides, we don’t want to be perceived as weak and needy. After a while, those hidden burdens begin to define us and we get comfortable hauling all that excess baggage. We’re not even aware that our prickly, surly exterior is because we’re shouldering our desperate, encumbered interior alone.

3. Sometimes we take over.
We can swing toward the other extreme by trying to fix people. In an effort to “help,” we can singlehandedly take on someone as our “project” and put them wholly on our backs. But we’re supposed to carry one another’s burdens, not carry one another. The burnout that follows is a result of going beyond the intended role of supporter and encourager. We don’t make very good saviors.

4. Sometimes we miss the point.
Helping someone else through a difficult season may seem overwhelming if we’re barely managing our own load. This is meant to be reciprocal. We carry each other’s burdens. Taking our eyes off our own troubles for a bit can be a relief, as long we are open enough to let others give us a lift. Together we can take the things that weigh us down to the One who said,
“Come to me all who are weary and burdened…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)

It’s a simple command to obey.
Look for a brother or a sister with a burden,
and help them with it.
It doesn’t have to be complicated.
It doesn’t take a committee or a program.
Just look for a burden to bear and offer a hand.

Dear Jesus, thank You for carrying my burden of sin to the cross. Thank You that I can come to You with any earthly burden that comes my way. Thank You for brothers and sisters who stand ready to give me a lift when I am weighed down. Help me not to be greedy with my troubles, but to learn to share them with my friends. Help us to bear one another’s burdens, and in doing so, make good on Your good law.

*Part eleven in a series on “The One Anothers”

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
Galatians 5:13*

One summer, when I was in college, I was a waitress at a Holiday Inn restaurant. It was my first real job that wasn’t located in a cornfield. I learned some really interesting things in that kitchen from the cook and other wait staff. I also learned that serving people was a lot different than pulling tassels.

The word “serve” in this passage is the Greek word for slave (douleou). After going to great lengths to explain to the believers in Galatia that they were no longer enslaved by sin or by the law, Paul put a spin on the whole idea that might have given the Galatians whiplash.

1. Christ set you free from slavery to sin and the law.
2. Use your freedom to enter into slavery, serving each other.

It was a radical idea then.
It still is.

I have opportunities all the day long to make a choice:
I can indulge in serving myself.
I can humbly serve others.

The direction I choose has dramatic results:
Serving myself leads to isolation, pride and dissatisfaction.
Serving others leads to connection, humility, and deep joy.

Good waitresses know that service with a smile might result in a good tip.
Here are some good tips to help us be better servants of each other. Watch for opportunities to say:

• Is there anything I can do for you today?
• Can I take your kids to the park for an hour?
• Do you need any help with that ministry?
• Would you like the last cookie?
• How can I pray for you this week?
• Why don’t you let me take care of that for you?
• What can I do to make your job easier?
• Do you need a volunteer who is adept at technology to help with the recording of worship services and getting it out on the Facebook page and church homepage?

Let your imagination run wild.
Then run with your wild ideas.

Dear God, I am naturally self-centered. I need the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit to ignite in me a passion to serve my brothers and sisters from a heart of love. Give me wild and creative ideas and then push me to follow through with them. Jesus, You said You didn’t come to be served but to serve. Me, too. I want to be like You. Grant me eyes to see others’ needs and the wherewithal to meet them. Help us, Your children, to serve one another humbly, in love.

*Part ten in a series on “The One Anothers”

You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.
Of all days to consider this verse —
but it’s next on my list.
So, here goes.

“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.”
1 Cor. 1:10*

Today is Election Day in the United States. Hence the irony.
Agreement? No divisions? Perfectly united?
Maybe not as citizens of the USA, but what about as citizens of Heaven?

The church in Corinth was a hot mess.
Among the issues Paul needed to address were:

• quarrels about who the best pastor was and people dividing into factions — Team Paul, Team Apollos and Team Peter.
• an incestuous relationship in the church.
• men in the church engaging with prostitutes.
• ugly, public cases of believers suing each other.
• disputes about sex, marriage, divorce and celibacy.
• spiritual pride and arrogance.
• chaotic, out-of-control worship services.
• worship of idols and demons.
• people hogging the wine and getting drunk at communion.
• error-filled teaching that denied the resurrection of Jesus.

Are you feeling better about your church now?

As believers, we don’t have to agree on who to vote for or what policy is best for our country. It’s okay if we think differently on issues or affairs of state. We can agree to disagree on non-essentials. But let’s agree to agree on the essentials of our faith. Here’s a refresher on what those are:

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth;

And in Jesus Christ his only Son, our Lord;
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;
the third day he rose from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic** church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
**universal

Dear God, I confess that I think my opinion is right and that those who don’t agree with me are wrong. Please forgive me for contributing to division and discord. The kind of love You require is counter-cultural and extremely demanding, yet You provide the strength to pull it off. Create within Your people a desire to live in agreement and unity, for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ and for the sake of His Bride, the church. Help us, Your children, to agree with one another.

*Part nine in a series on “The One Anothers”

“Be completely humble and gentle;
be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:2*

Bear with me, now.

There are just some people we need to put up with.

I am one of those people.

Maybe you are, too.

We have quirks and idiosyncrasies and annoying mannerisms.
We have personality differences and unique temperament traits.
We have style preferences and particular tastes.

We don’t need to be forgiven for these, for they are not sins.
We need to be tolerated. Humbly. Gently. Patiently. Lovingly.

PB and I play a game called “Assume the Best”. We play this game when we are driving somewhere together in the car. If the vehicle in front of us is putt-putting along well below the speed limit and PB starts to get agitated, I say, “Maybe she has a big container full of soup in her back seat and she is going slow so it doesn’t spill.” Or, “Maybe he’s coming back from the vet’s office after putting his dog down and he’s going slow because he can’t bear to arrive at an empty house.” (The more dramatic, the better.)

If a car behind us comes zooming past well above the speed limit, and I can sense PB bristling in the driver’s seat, I say, “Maybe his pregnant wife is having contractions in the back seat and he’s trying to get to the hospital before the baby comes.” Or, “Maybe she is racing to catch a flight to see her elderly father who just woke up from being in a ten year coma and is the only one in the family who knows the combination to the safe full of grandma’s jewels.” (That could be over-doing it.)

We’re trying to learn how to make allowances
for the quirks and foibles of others.

We’re practicing patience
without harboring inward anger or resentment.

We’re training ourselves
to react to our brothers and sisters in Christ
with a Spirit-empowered love.

Dear Lord, thanks for putting up with us. You’ve made us all so uniquely different, but sometimes that makes it hard for us to understand each other. Help us to appreciate each other and assume the best in each other. Help us, Your children, to bear with one another in love.

*Part eight in a series on “The One Anothers”

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11*

How do we encourage each other?
By building each other up.
How do we build each other up?
By encouraging each other.

This is a 2-for-1 verse.
It also works in reverse.

How do we discourage each other?
By tearing each other down.
How do we tear each other down?
By discouraging each other.

I’ve seen a lot of slumped shoulders and downcast faces lately. Maybe it’s the pandemic/election/tension/isolation wearing us down. It’s daunting to think about a winter filled with more of the same.

So, how do we rise above it?
We build each other up.
What are our building materials?
Words.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph. 4:29

Wholesome words. Helpful words. Beneficial words.
It’s not that hard. Here are a few to get you started.

• You look really nice today.
• I’m praying for you in this challenging season.
• You are so patient with your 2 year old — good job, momma.
• All your hard work isn’t going unnoticed.
• Keep going! You’re doing great things!
• Your insights helped me understand that better — thanks.
• I’ve seen a lot of growth in you this year.
• The way you use your gifts has been such a blessing to me.
• I feel so lifted up after talking with you.
• We are in this together. You can count on me.
• Share with me what God has been teaching you lately.
• I left a pan of fresh cinnamon rolls on your porch.

In case you’re wondering how often we need to do this:
“Encourage one another daily…” (Heb. 3:13)
“and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Heb. 10:25).

The capital “D” Day of Christ’s return is drawing near!
Now, that’s an encouraging word!

Jesus, forgive me for tearing down others by speaking unkind, discouraging words. Help me to be a dispenser of positive, helpful and beneficial words to everyone I meet. Give me the desire to receive Your encouragement daily by reading Your Word and staying in fellowship. You created us to need each other. Help us, Your children, to encourage one another.

*Part seven in a series on “The One Anothers”

Greet one another with a holy kiss.
Romans 16:16*

Well, this is awkward.

In these days of social distancing,
I’m not about to promote puckering up in the pew.

Surely, the original language doesn’t mean an actual kiss, does it?

Philema:
Greek word meaning
to kiss.

Ok then.

In a sermon entitled “Let’s Bring Back the Holy Kiss”, Pastor Ray Pritchard said, “In the Bible the holy kiss was a sign of love, respect, friendship and honor. It was a mark of innocent affection.”

There is quite a lot of kissing in the Bible.

• Fathers kiss sons (Luke 15:20)
• Brothers kiss brothers (Genesis 33:4)
• Sons-in-law kiss fathers-in-law (Exodus 18:7)
• Grandfathers kiss grandchildren (Genesis 31:55)
• Mothers-in-law kiss daughters-in-law (Ruth 1:9)
• And then, of course, there is that unholy kiss (Matthew 26:49)

A little peck on both sides of the face was a culturally acceptable greeting in biblical times. In an effort to make this verse relevant to our modern age, some translations have replaced “a holy kiss” with “a hearty handshake”. But let me tell you, they are not the same thing. If PB had given me a hearty handshake after a dinner-and-movie date, I might not have married him.

For New Testament believers, a warm greeting expressed brotherly love and unity. The early Christians felt that the holy kiss signified innocent affection. There was no hint of sensuality or impropriety about it.

“During the worship service there was a time of greeting in which the men would kiss the men and the women the women–on the cheek or the forehead. It was a sign of the intense family relationship in the early church. They didn’t just talk about being a family, they were a family and the holy kiss served as a symbol of their love for each other. It was a holy kiss because it was exchanged between holy people. It was a holy kiss because they truly felt they were brothers and sisters in one big, happy family.” (Ray Pritchard)

So what are we to do with this rather bewildering “one another”?

Instead of focusing on the “holy kiss” part, let’s zoom in on the “greet one another” part. In this day and age, how can we offer a warm welcome and express acceptance to one another? Here are some ideas.

• Use your words. “I’m so happy to see you here at church this morning. How have you been?”
• Use your eyes. Look at people in the eye and hold their attention long enough to let them see your genuine care and affection.
• Use your legs. Instead of standing around with the same group of people after church every week, walk over to someone you don’t know very well and show some authentic interest by asking them a question.
• Use your ears. Listen attentively and respond with kindness.
• Use your fingers. Punch in a phone number and check in with someone who has been noticeably absent. Don’t send an email or text; don’t substitute technology for a real human voice.
• Use your lips. Give people a holy smile.

We all want to know someone cares.
We all need to know we’re not alone.
We all long to find a place to belong.
It starts with a greeting, in Jesus’ name.

Lord, help me to look around and see who is being overlooked or ignored. Give me the courage to initiate meaningful conversation with people I don’t know very well. Use my hands, my feet, my voice to make someone feel cared for, included and accepted. Help us, Your children, to greet one another with holy intention.

*Part six in a series on “The One Anothers”

“Accept one another, then,
just as Christ accepted you,
in order to bring praise to God.”
Romans 15:7*

Accept: to receive with approval or favor, to welcome

Paul told the members of the church in Rome
to accept each other.
Which implies that the members of the church in Rome
were not accepting each other.

What was their problem?

To find out, we have to backtrack a bit, to Romans 14. It seems everybody was caught up in a debate about meat. Yes, meat. Specifically, meat that had been sacrificed to idols and then put up for sale in the marketplace. To eat this meat, or not to eat this meat — that was the burning question. The issue was dividing people and harming the church’s testimony in the community.

Paul called the believers out and said,
“You meat eaters, don’t look down on the ones who don’t eat meat.
You non-meat eaters, don’t condemn the meat-eaters.
Here’s the deal: God accepts both. So accept one another.”
(Romans 14:3, my paraphrase)

We don’t squabble about meat that is sacrificed to idols in our day. But we have our own “disputable matters” (Ro. 14:1). Plenty of them. Does Paul’s advice work if we substitute in our issues? Let’s put it to the test. (Words in italics are subbed in to the actual passage.)

The one who doesn’t wear a mask must not look down on the one who does, and the one who does wear a mask must not condemn the one who doesn’t, for God has accepted him. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. If your brother is distressed because you don’t wear a mask, you are no longer acting in love. Do not, by your choices, destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of masks. (Romans 14:3, 13, 15, 20)

Yep, it works.

Paul leveled the playing field with the reminder that
every one of us has been accepted by Christ.
In all my sin and shame and stupidity,
Christ welcomed me in.
In that spirit,
we are commanded to accept each other.

But if we insist on digging in our heels
and disputing over opinions,
we rob God of the praise He is due.
Father, forgive us.

Help us, Your children, to accept one another.

*Part five in a series on “The One Anothers”

“Live in harmony with one another.” Romans 12:16*

#1) Harmony: pleasing arrangement of parts, melodious
Go ahead. Enjoy a few minutes of soul-melting harmoniousness.

#2) Dissonance: harsh discord, cacophony
Listen to this now. It’s only 55 seconds long.
It sounds a lot like my 2 year old granddaughter at the keyboard.

Any questions?
Be like #1.

Harmony is not unison. You don’t get harmony by everyone playing the same note. Harmony does not mean everyone thinks the same nor does the same. To live in harmony with one another is to live in such a way that you enrich and complement each other. Together you are more than any of you would be on your own. There is a display of beauty that comes from taking what is distinct and different and making it one.

Is there anything that is more desperately needed in our world today than this? Our country is tired of polarization, division and conflict. The world desperately needs to see something different, and God says, “Let it be seen in the church!”

Colin Smith @ http://www.unlockingthebible.org

Dear God, I want to be a harmonious contributor to the body of Christ. Help me to celebrate our shared purpose of bringing You glory. Equip me and empower me to add to the beauty of Your Bride, the church. Put a guard over my mouth when I’m tempted to spew out cacophony. Help us, Your children, to live in harmony with one another.

“May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6

*Part three in a series on “The One Anothers”

“Outdo one another in showing honor.”*
Romans 12:10

When I was in 2nd grade, I was a Brownie. My friends and I walked to the Methodist church after school on Tuesdays. We put on our beanies and brown sashes and gathered around tables in the musty basement. We proudly stood, raised our three fingers and recited the oath:

On my honor, I will try:
To serve God and my country,
to help people at all times,
and to live by the Girl Scout Law.

Honor.
It’s not a word that gets much attention these days.
So how do we honor each other, as commanded in the Bible?

The word honor in the original language is “time” (pronounced tee-may). It means:

• to value the worth of every brother and sister in Christ.
• to show genuine appreciation and admiration for fellow believers.
• to give preference to one another, putting them first.
• to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, without jealousy.
• to extend to another the first opportunity.
• to serve someone else, even at personal expense.
• to value the relationship over being right.

Paul gave the same message to the believers in Philippi:

Put yourself aside,
and help others get ahead.
Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Phil. 2:4 — The Message

Get beyond yourselves
and protecting your own interests; 
be sincere, and secure your neighbors’ interests first.
Phil. 2:4 — The Voice

That’s why it’s so hard to honor one another. It doesn’t come naturally. It takes great humility and unselfishness. We need the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in us to pull this off. But can you see how amazing it would be if everyone in the faith community honored each other?

“Take the lead in honoring one another.”
Romans 12:10 — CSB

Who will take the lead?

“Practice playing second fiddle.”
Romans 12:10 — The Message

Second fiddle, anyone?

Lord, help me to overflow with respect and genuine appreciation for others in my community of faith. Forgive me for putting my selfish desires ahead of others’ needs. Give me Holy Spirit power to take the lead in honoring my brothers and sisters. Show me how to play second fiddle with joyful abandon. Help us, your children, to honor one another.

On my honor, I will try.

*Part 2 in a series on “The One Anothers”.