I never cared much for the sport of wrestling. My kids went for other sports in high school, like basketball, volleyball and baseball. The thought of two sweaty bodies in skimpy leotards rolling around on a mat in front of a crowd of people makes me a little weak. I confess — I’ve never attended a wrestling match, so I shouldn’t knock it, but it’s just not for me.
Or so I thought.
As it turns out, I do a lot of wrestling.
Reading through the Bible brought me to Genesis 32 — a wrestling match. In this corner: Jacob. In the opposite corner: the God of the Universe. Such a formidable opponent didn’t stop Jacob from stepping on the mat. In fact, it seemed Jacob had been training for this main event his whole life. Jacob and his twin brother, Esau, started wrestling in the womb; Jacob, the Deceiver managed to grapple the birthright away from Esau; Jacob, the Conniver contested Laban over sheep and wives.
But this time was different. After spending the whole night tangled in a no-decision, Jacob refused to cry “uncle”, even when his hip went out of joint. All for a blessing. Jacob received what he had been struggling for, and more. He came away from the contest with a new name and a limp. And no more need to wrestle.
What am I wrestling with right now? Letting go of children, growing older, desires for future dreams. The key for me is to stay on the mat. I welcome the struggle because it means I’m tangled up in His arms, I’m close enough to feel His breath, I can sense His strength. If I let go, I might avoid the limp, but I might miss the blessing.
“I will not let You go until You bless me.” Genesis 32:26
I pray for you and Pb about this. It has to be the hardest thing to do. You will all be in our prayers.
I am convinced that there is not a time in our lives when we are not wrestling with something. Each stage is a new and different stage, and we don’t know what’s in store for us until we live it. Should we do this or that? What if we are wrong? What if we make the wrong decision? How will I know…..? Etc. It never ends. Perhaps heaven is the absence of the wrestling….
Perhaps. The questions, doubts, and fears will be gone in heaven. Although, until then I think we can learn to wrestle less, which probably means trusting more.
This is Robin. I am logged in on Elli’s computer. My comments above show up as Elli’s — she is more intelligent than I am!
Dinah you gave me some good advice when I had been struggling with the death of my parents. You said,” You have to just keep living your life the best that you can.” This has helped me a lot! Thanks
Hmmm… I don’t even remember saying that! Thanks for reminding me.
Again I’m thankful for you and your blog, Dinah. I’ve been doing some wrestling over some similar letting go…but didn’t have your great words for the feeling. Now I’ll hold on for that blessing! Thank you.