Take Meat Out to the Ballgame

Somebody left two raw hamburger patties in the trunk of our car for a week. ( I say” Somebody” because as a mother I must protect the identity and innocence of my youngest son.)  Anyway,  “Somebody” went to a Brewer baseball game and loaded up the cooler with all the makings for a great tailgate party: brats, burgers, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, sour kraut.   He packed matches, a spatula, paper towels, a small grill – the complete package.  Off he went, down I-94 to Milwaukee and a Friday night at the ballpark.

The car pulled into the driveway late Saturday night, after a fun weekend with friends.  Of course, church was the next morning and then he was off to work for the rest of the day.  The car was due to be at the garage bright and early Monday morning for some repairs.  Unfortunately, the part that needed to be ordered didn’t come in until Friday….and the guy at the garage didn’t get to it until the following Monday….

When we went to pick up the car Monday afternoon, I noticed all the windows were rolled down, which I thought was kind of strange. However, it was a nice warm day so I just dropped off my husband and went on my way, happy to finally be getting the car back after a week.  Evidently, when my hubby got in to drive the car home, he was lambasted with a stench that brought out the green undertones of his skin.  He fought the overwhelming urge to throw up and settled with coughing and gagging all the way home.

What happens when two raw hamburger patties sit in the trunk of a car for ten days, you ask?  Well, when you open the trunk, a swarm of flies engulf your head.  You reel back on your heels because the fumes are so toxic.  When you foolishly open the mini cooler, you are greeted by a mass of slimy slithering maggots.  Yes, maggots.  The leftover onions and tomatoes are swimming in a lethal juice covered with green mold.   The sour kraut is in a bag that has ballooned because of the deadly gas being produced within.  You put on a pair of gloves, take the cooler and all it’s contaminated contents and put it in a black garbage bag, drive to a dumpster behind a gas station on the other side of town after dark, throw it in, and then run for your life.  That night, you have bad dreams.

We aired out the car for a week, driving everywhere with the windows down and the trunk lid up.  Somebody bought four air fresheners – new car smell.  Ha!  They didn’t stand a chance.  I hope Somebody learned his lesson from all of this.  Like, “Unpack the car as soon as you get home or else you might end up with a trunk full of maggots”.  Or, “Don’t become an auto mechanic because you might have to fix a car that smells like rotting meat”.

6 thoughts on “Take Meat Out to the Ballgame

  1. I’m not sure I can comment with my nose so scrunched up from the reek…lol…sounds like a homeschool science opportunity to me…. 🙂 (And yes, the science teacher in me wants to know how the maggots got there. They had to come from eggs. It sounds like the cooler was closed. With the egg laying insects enclosed? Or the eggs were there pre-closure??? hmmm)

  2. I have decided I’m going vegan. Tomatoes and onions swimming in a lethal juice is still more palatable than slimy, slithering maggots. I don’t care how much protein they contain.

  3. Haaaaaaaaha! I hadn’t heard this story. This is fantastic. Oh my goodness. Little Jacob! Hahahahahahahahaha. I can’t stop.

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